


Death by Thousand Cuts

by lovelikestheresnosuchthingasabrokenheart



Series: Lover [1]
Category: woso
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-28
Updated: 2019-09-04
Packaged: 2020-09-27 12:44:57
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 4,100
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20407972
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lovelikestheresnosuchthingasabrokenheart/pseuds/lovelikestheresnosuchthingasabrokenheart
Summary: So you get what’s left of me, because she got the best of me.





	1. Chapter 1

Not sure I’ll ever be able to describe what it was like watching her walk out of my door, a suitcase full of her clothes that used to clutter the now empty dresser drawer. I used to hate when she’d open them and forget to close them, the clothes hanging out looking like a mess because she couldn’t be bothered to fold them. I’d give almost anything to walk back into our—well now my bedroom and see those drawers hanging out with clothes over flowing.

Sitting up in the middle of the night I clench my chest, the dream waking me up in the middle of the night as my heart pounds and the sweat covers my forehead. Would the break up ever be something I stop dreaming about?

It’s been 6 months now, is this normal? Do I need counseling? Did she really damage me that badly? I glance to the corner of the room that is lit by the moon coming in to once again be remembered of her empty dresser, our picture no longer on top it it and replaced with a picture of my god child. At least he’s cute to look at. So I’ll close my eyes and pray that the next dream is of much sweeter things... it’s not. She clutters my dream space.

In a perfect world, I would’ve forgot that she even existed just like the rest of my past relationships. My younger days, I’d be out hooking up and moving on. I’d not care at all. Yet here I am, staring at her from across the field as I wait for the whistle to blow and the game to begin, the first game of the season begins. Maybe this is why she’s been on my mind, my subconscious new I was facing her soon. Playing for my new team, the team she refused to be traded to after we broke up. Now she’s across the country, she got to go back to her old life while I settle into my new normal. Playing where I grew up, getting to go home to my condo after every home game, having my family at every game. This was a dream we shared... but not anymore.

As I finish shaking hands with the refs I b-line it to my family in the stands, failing to notice the large smile on my moms face was because Emily was making both of our families crack up. I hadn’t even noticed they sat together. As I approached both of our families turned their attention to me as I jumped the railing and grabbed my sister for a hug. In the corner of my eye I watched Emily jump down and head to the locker room as her family spoke out sweet nothings on how I played.

Fuck.

“Honey, we’re going to get dinner with the Sonnetts after the game. I want to catch up with Jane, and you know the men” she hugged me, whispering in my ear once she was close. “Don’t you think you could be civil and join us?”

“I’m tired, ankles hurting a bit. I’ll pass” I whispered back before I pulled away and embraced Emily’s parents. Jane hugged me tighter than she ever has.

“Miss you honey, don’t be such a stranger” she whispered as she left a kiss on My cheek before pulling away. “Come over for brunch soon okay? I miss our tradition”

Fuck.

“Kel, wait up.” I closed my eyes and stopped walking, taking a deep breath as the all to familiar voice called after me. “I don’t want to take your family from you, you should come to dinner.” I turned around to find a calm and ever so soft looking Emily Sonnett. I put on my best fake smile, even though I know she could see right through every layer of it.

“That’s alright, you’re only in town so many times this season. I’m going to rehab my ankle and get some Chinese.”

“Sweet and sour chicken?” She smiled, knowing it was my favorite after game meal even if she found it weird. “From Mr. Chows?”

“Yup, already ordered. See ya Em.” I turned around and picked up my speed and getting into my car, ignoring all of my teammates and Thorns players who mingled in the parking lot figuring out their bar plans for the night. I was more than okay with missing tonight.

“Alexa play Taylor Swifts new album Lover on shuffle” I take a seat on the couch with my plate and begin shoving the food into my mouth, starving as the music begins to play in the background.

Maybe this album wasn’t the best thing to play, maybe almost every song on this album reminds me of her. As The Archer plays I find myself resisting the urge to skip.

“I’ve got a hundred thrown out speeches I almost said to you” Sounds about right, all of the paragraphs I’ve typed up, all the conversations I’ve had with myself in the shower swearing that when I got out I was going to call you and tell you everything on my mind.

“I wake in a night the night, I pace like a ghost. The room is on fire, invisible smoke. And all of my heroes die all alone. Help me hold on to you” I held on so tightly to our relationship, I think Emily felt like I had a death grip on her, it was too much. She couldn’t breathe and I was so scared to let go that she’d leave me. We see where that got me.

“You could stay” and she didn’t and so my mind flashbacks to that painful night. 

“_Emily, please don’t leave me” I cried out as she opened the door to the condo. My last desperate attempt. She turned around and took the steps towards me. Her lips immediately met my forehead, one last moment._

_“If it’s meant to be Kelley, it will be”_

And I hate that fucking phrase. I hated it when she said it and I hate it 6 months later. If we were meant to be she would’ve never left me. She told me over and over again how I wanted what she couldn’t give me, how our age difference was tearing at our relationship.

_"I’m 27 Kel, I’m not ready to get married. I love you but I’m not there”_ I remember her exact words, how it cut me to pieces.

Yea, Taylor wasn’t wrong. Saying goodbye is a death by thousand cuts, and these damn flashbacks and nightmares making it almost impossible to heal.

RingRing.

Who the fuck is ringing my door bell? “Alexa, lower” I say to quiet the music.


	2. She Got the Best of Me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> So you get what’s left of me, because she got the best of me.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It’s not all based on T. Swift songs

“So sonny, you gonna go profess your love for my sister and get back together or what? Shit or get off the pot” Erin casually says as she throws the bean bag and perfectly lands it in the corn hole, causing me to almost lose the grip on the beer in my hand. 

“How’d you do that?” I marvel at her perfect shot, attempting to dodge her question as Emma takes her shot from across the way and lands it in, evening out our score. 

“Don’t ignore my question.” She lets out a chuckle as Danger Dan misses his shot. “I know you miss looking across and seeing Kelley over there. I mean my dad is great but come on. You aren’t yourself either.” She nudges me, indicating my turn. 

“I’m off the pot and have been off the pot for 6 months. I’m sure she has to. That relationship changed me forever I guess.” I take a sip of my beer as I throw and completely miss the shot, a loud groan coming from Emma as it nearly knocks her beer that is placed on the ground. 

“COULD YOU SUCK ANYMORE” she yells back as she sends an evil glare to me and Dan ignores her antics taking his shot. 

“And this is why we keep the psychos on the other side” Erin laughed as Dan sunk his shot and won them the game. I watched as Emma sulked off to the bar to grab another beer, helping her accept our defeat. That’s where we varied, on the field I was a psycho but off of it I wasn’t nearly as competitive as my sister. 

Walking back to the table I bopped my head to the live country music that was playing at the far end of the brewery, my mind flashing back to Kelley’s Spotify playlist that was cluttered with Luke Combs songs and this one in particular seemed to always be playing when she came up on the activity feed. I remember listening to it on repeat, feeling like Kelley was sending it directly to me and that’s when I felt a switch flip inside of me. I needed to get out of here and I needed to be alone. 

“I called an Uber, I’m gonna head out” I walked up to the table grabbing everyone’s attention who all simultaneously seemed to furrow their eyebrows. 

“I can take you Sonny, your hotel is 2 blocks from my place.” Erin stood up as I made my way around the table saying my goodbyes. 

“That’s okay, Uber is gonna be here any minute” I showed her my phone and said my last goodbye before walking out and finding the Uber wait area. 

“Emily” I heard Erin call out just as my Uber’s picked up, I turned around and was immediately brought into a hug. 

“I’m sorry if I upset you, I didn’t mean to. I just hate seeing the two of you a part. You know I’ll always love you regardless” she pulled back and let me go as I opened my Uber door. 

“Thanks Er” I waved as I shut the door and closed my eyes, letting my Uber take me to my destination. 

‘The Lazy Chicken’ the crappy neon light red as I opened the door to my Uber and stepped out. I adjust the baseball cap on the bed, pulling it furthers over my eyes before I entered the dark dive bar. The corner at the end of the bar was a little darker than I remember but nonetheless I made myself comfortable on the bar stool as the bartender made his way over, smiling once he recognized who I was. 

“Sonnett, long time no see. Your usual?” And all I had to do was nod and slide him my card to start a tab. Seconds later as I put in my AirPods a Jack Daniels whiskey sour was in front of me. I turned on my Spotify and put a Luke Combs playlist on repeat as I sipped on the drink that burned down my throat and numbed my feelings. 

It wasn’t long before one turned into two, to three, to four and to five. My head became heavy as I leaned myself on the adjacent wall next to the bar, my eyes closing as the same song replayed for what must’ve been the 20th time and each time the lyrics stung a little more, each time I thought about picking up my phone and calling her. 

“Sonnett” I hear someone calling out as my eyes shoot open, the room just beginning to spin as I finish my now 6th whiskey and sour. I swear the bar was more crowded now that it nearing midnight than it was when I closed my eyes 10 minutes ago. It took a minute for my vision to somewhat clear to find not one O’Hara but two staring at me as they surround my bar stool and push others out of the way. 

I go into drunk panic and attempt to slide off of my chair but I instead stumble forward and right into the O’Hara I wish wasn’t staring at me. It takes not 5 seconds for her hand to grip my bicep and begin dragging me through the crowd as Erin attempts to support my other side. 

I swear I wasn’t this drunk 10 minutes ago, it’s like everything came crashing right at the time they showed up. I tried to wiggle my arm out of Kelley’s grip as we stood in front of the bar, a groan escaping my lips as I gave up and pulled my phone out to try and order an Uber, but the screen was way too blurry for me to see what was happening. Instead I felt Erin snatch my phone and AirPods before shoving them in Kelley’s sweatshirt pocket her refusing to let up the grip despite any words coming out of her mouth. 

“You got this Kel? I’m just gonna go unless you want me to take her to her hotel?” Erin asks as I nod but Kelley doesn’t even give it a thought before shaking her head and dragging me like a hostage across the street to her condo. Maybe not dragging me, I’m drunk so I’m being a little dramatic but I swear tomorrow I’m going to have bruises. There was no sense in me trying to fight an angry Kelley, it was a wrath I wasn’t willing to face while trashed and barely able to stand up straight. 

Walking into the condo Kelley finally spoke, instructing me to remove my shoes. “I didn’t forget your stupid no shoe rule” I slur out as I dramatically kick off my Birkenstocks into the pile of her shoes, purposefully pissing her off. 

“Go lay down” She finally let go of my arm now that my shoes were off and allowed me to stumble onto the couch, falling face first and not even attempting to move as the room began to spin and I felt like I was on an amusement ride. 

“Oh Em.” I faintly here her whisper as she leans next to the couch and rubs my back after placing water on the coffee table for me. An angel I swear. 

“You got the best of me Kel” I slur out the song lyrics as I shut my eyes and finally succumb to the alcohol.


	3. Lover

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> All's well that ends well to end up with you

I don’t know why I expected her to be there when I woke up. As I walked out into my living room I noticed the couch empty with the blankets folded and when I glanced over to the doorway her stupid shoes were no longer on top of mine and maybe it’s better this way. Maybe it’s better that she left and we don’t have to face any of this right now. Maybe it’s good that I have recovery this morning, actually it’s a great thing that I have recovery and can focus on soccer and my body instead of her this morning. 

The 2 hours with my team and extra hour in the recovery room with the physical therapist was just what I needed but as I walk into my condo I immediately feel defeated I sit on the same couch that she slept on last night. It’s an unusually cold day in Atlanta for spring so I force myself up and turn on the gas fire place before walking to the kitchen and making myself lunch.

“Alexa, play Lover by Taylor Swift on shuffle” and immediately Death by a Thousand Cuts plays. Must be my most played or something. “Alexa, louder” the device turns up as I sing along and move about the kitchen. 

“My heart, my hips, my body, my love. Trying to find a part of me that you didn’t touch.” I all about scream out while cutting up peppers for my stir fry before I realize that someone is knocking on my door. 

“Alexa, lower” I say before wiping my hands quickly and making my way open the door. I shit you not there she is, flowers in her hand and her suitcase in the other. All I can do is stare at her as she shoves the flowers into my hands and forces herself through the doorway, clearly cold in her training gear having her to warm up in the heat of the building. Flowers were always her favorite way to apologize and I guess somethings just never change. 

“Can we talk?” She takes her shoes off and pushes her suitcase against the wall as she awaits the answer. 

“Um yea” I nod towards the kitchen where my Alexa continues to play lowly and the stir fry continues to cook. I place the flowers on the island before turning around and check on the food. 

“I first off want to apologize for getting drunk and you having to deal with me. How’d you even know I was there?” She questioned as I turned around and found her sitting on a bar stool across the island. 

“Erin dragged me out off my couch for a drink and when we walked in I guess the bartender thought I was looking for you and kept pointing to the end of the bar but it was so dark all we could see was someone with a hat so we walked over there and saw he was pointing us to you.” I crossed my arm almost defensive, if she thought it was there because of her, she was sadly mistaken. I was perfectly enjoying moping around to Taylor Swift before Erin interrupted me. 

“Ya know, I was at dinner with the family and everyone was having so much fun” She randomly starts as she leans her elbow on the island and her face in the palm of her hand, showing she had gone into deep thought. “I literally almost spilled Emma’s beer when I missed the shot and she was yelling at me and Erin was talking my ear off and your dad was in his own world and-“ I cut her off. 

“Are you here to apologize then brag about how much fun you had with my family?” I turn my back to her as I check on my food and lower it to a simmer. 

“No.” When I turned around I find her close to me, her hands finding my hip bones and pushing me back against the island. “And everyone was having fun and your dad spilled half of his beer down his shirt when he was chugging. Our moms were laughing so hard they had to go to the bathroom afterwards. Everyone was having fun but I wasn’t because for the first time since we broke up I had everything I ever wanted in front of me. My family, your family, beer, my legs aching after playing my favorite game in the entire world... and you weren’t there. It was everything yet nothing because the most important piece wasn’t there and I know there’s so much to work out but I can’t keep doing this without you” She rambled out, my eyes constantly searching for hers as she stared down, her confidence going away word by word. 

“Okay?” I barely ask, speechless as she moved to rest her forehead on mine. 

“I need you to forgive me for walking away and doing a number on you. I need you to love me again and I will spend however long proving to you that I’m sorry” I watch as she closes her eyes and took a deep breath, this was a lot for someone who hardly ever talked or showed their emotions.

“We did a number on each other.” I remind her because as selfish as I want to be and blame everything on her, it wasn’t just her. I held on with a death grip that made her feel like she was choking. 

“Stay for lunch and we can talk more? Do you have a plane to catch?” I pull back turning around and turning the stove off. 

“We have a bye week but you know we leave for camp next Monday so I’m staying with Emma and then flying to meet the team. I saw you’re finally back on the roster for the Olympics by the way, could’ve also led to me being a mess.. knowing we’d be close” She sheepishly scratched the back of her neck as she moved to take a seat on the island and I made our plates. 

“Ankle is finally back together again. If something happens again though, I’m going to have to retire. I can’t keep fucking it up.” I admit for the first time, shocking myself and Emily. 

“I’ll protect you.” She laughs, making it light as I bump into her and for a few moments it’s nice to not be thinking what the next serious conversation is going to be. 

Before I know it we’re sitting on the floor in front of the fire playing Mario Kart and she’s slapping the switch controller out of my hand whenever I get ahead of her in the race and my heart is swelling every time she laughs and maybe it’s because we’ve put off our talking while drinking glasses of red wine and ordering pizza for dinner and it’s getting later and the sun is down but I’d do anything to stay in this moment before the hard stuff comes. 

“Sucker!” She yells victorious as she wins again, her arms shooting up in the air before she picks up her wine glass and takes another sip and she looks like a little kid as she smiles back at me. I reach for the remote and turn off the TV, the only thing providing light in the room is the fireplace and the city lights with the moon coming in from the window. 

“I want this.” I finally admit, a smile forming on her face as she places her wine glass on the coffee table and reaches for me. She’s slow and deliberate as she pushes me down and hovers her body over mine, taking a moment to really look at me, to really look in my eyes. And then her lips are meeting mine for the first time in 6 months and it taste like the red wine we’ve shared and it feels like home. It’s neither hungry nor is it nonchalant, it’s purposeful and it’s her showing me how much she needed to hear me say that. When she pulls away I take a moment with my eyes closed before I make my next statement. 

“But there has to be conditions.” 

“I agree” She gives me a half smile. “Number 1, if we’re getting back together it has to be because we see a future because Kelley, I want to marry you and I want to have babies and adopt babies and I want all of the dogs you’ll let me have.” She reached and caressed my cheek. 

“Number 2, we don’t throw the past in each others faces. It has to be let go. We’ll never survive.” I give my condition and she nods as she intertwines our fingers and I can see from her face she’s thinking. 

“Number 3, after the Olympics we come out as a couple. I’m done hiding, I’m not doing this Christen and Tobin shit. I want to post cute pictures of you sleeping and cute pictures of me kissing you and I want to have a normal relationship.” That one surprises me, she was always just as private as I was and for the first time someone was asking me to go public but she was worth it. 

“Number 4, we travel and make all of the effort just as we have before without the fighting. We lock down a schedule for after camp.” Because the last time we did this everything was always last minute.

“Number 5, we keep this to our small circle for now. Our sisters, Lindsey, Alex. No one that we don’t text at least once a day” and I can see it in her eyes that this is something she wants to hold close. 

“Is that all?” I ask before pushing her down on her back and crawling on top. 

“Number 6, always look at me like this.” She whispers before she’s reaching and pulling my face down to hers for a kiss that I cut short.

"Alexa, play Lover" I shout out and earn an eye roll from the woman below me. "You're my loverrrrr" I ugly sing out before she's pulling me down and to her lips. With every kiss the thousands cuts are healed and although they may leave scars for both of us, it's a reminder of where we've been and a reminder to be better to each other this time around.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> might write a follow up series but no promises! Hope you enjoy :)


End file.
